Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Hello wonderful readers,

Last month on October 10th it was World Mental Health Day. This is one day that many individuals share their story or experience with mental health. I strongly believe days like this are wonderful, but conversations and stories need to be shared throughout the year. Mental health is not something that should be talked about on one day and disregarded the next day. Same goes for suicide awareness, Autism awareness, Cancer awareness, AIDS awareness, Women’s day, World MS day, Earth day, Father’s day, Grandparents day, Mother’s day, sibling day, and all of the awareness days that arise throughout the year. These days are great reminders and bring our attention and awareness to the topic being honored, but we should not stop after the day is over. We should be aware, educating, and sharing throughout the entire year. Mental health does not only impact people on one day a year, it impacts everyone every day, whether it is World Mental Health Day or not.

We are fortunate enough to live in an age where metal health is being discussed more openly and honestly than ever before, but I believe we can always do better. We can be there for more people. We can break the silence around mental health and every other topic that we have remained quiet on or just discussed behind closed doors.

I previously shared my experience with body image and pregnancy here on the blog. This was a post I was very hesitant to publish because it made me feel vulnerable. I felt as though I was exposing a piece of me that might be scrutinized, but I felt the need to share it.

Since I published that post, I had countless individuals commenting, messaging, and talking to me in person about how much they appreciated the subject. Some were mothers and some were not. Body image impacts a large majority of people and we need to open the door, become vulnerable, and share in order to be there for one another.

To continue this idea of sharing pieces of myself, I want to share another part of me I have not publicly discussed before – anxiety and panic attacks.

Yup, I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. This is not something that is new for me as I have suffered with it for years. This is also not something that is easy for me to talk about openly and I appreciate you all taking the time to read my story and open the door for further discussions on the topic.

My first ever panic attack was at the happiest place in the world – Disney World.

My family was taking the most amazing trip to Disney when I began to have severe chest pains. They came out of no where and hit me like a train.

It felt as though my heart was going to combust in my chest and I could only idly sit by waiting for it to happen. Each breath seemed to take me deeper into anxiousness and I wasn’t sure what was going on or what to do – I was scared.

I was in my beginning stages of high school when this occurred. When anxiety arises we sometimes need to step back and think what was going on during the time or before the attack – Beyond being a growing teenager and starting high school, my parents were finalizing their divorce. I didn’t think the divorce impacted me, but clearly I internalized all of my feelings and it manifested in my first, now known, panic attack.

When I was able to catch my breath, I told my mom, “my chest hurt.” That’s the only way I could articulate my sensations because I had no better understanding as to what just transpired. My mother, being the most loving human and nurse on the planet, asked me additional questions and told me to keep an eye on it. She also had me promise to tell her when and if it arose again.

I would have these panic attacks for several months after we came back from our trip which lead my mom to take me to the doctor.

When I told the doctor my symptoms, they thought it was acid reflux and put me Prilosec to see if that suppressed my chest discomfort.

I took this over the counter heartburn medication for several months with no relief. We continued to meet with the doctor and they discussed sending a scope into my stomach to see if something else was going on internally.

Luckily, my chest discomfort went away for a few months, but the feelings would surface again.

I always had this feeling that it wasn’t heartburn or acid reflux and something else was causing these feelings. I never did go through with the scope as the doctor suggested, but we continued to watch my symptoms to see if there were any trends.

My panic attacks would hit an all time high when I was finishing high school and entering into college.

I remember one morning I woke up and felt as though I couldn’t take full breaths. It felt as like I had something was sitting on my chest holding me down where I couldn’t move, breath, or do anything. I felt restrained, confined, and again, scared.

When I noticed these feelings, it made me more anxious and nervous which only encouraged the sensations. I hadn’t been taught breath work or how to release my stress properly, so I would close my eyes and hope the feelings would fade. Luckily, they would vanish on their own, but as I entered college, these panic attacks would continue. I never sought medical attention for these attacks as I found I was able to close my eyes and count each second as it passed by to take my mind off the discomfort. I also didn’t want to be put on medication if I didn’t need it because I still wasn’t entirely sure what was going on.

My anxiety and panic attacks can come at anytime throughout the day and they never seem to occur right after something “stressful” has happened. It “normally” happens a few days, or weeks, after I have experienced a large amount of stress. Most of my anxiety and panic attacks occur in the morning, right when I wake up for the day, but I have had countless attacks at seemingly random times.

Something I have found that helps me cope with my anxiety is breath work, praying, physically moving, yoga, acupuncture, counseling, or diverting my attention with podcasts or uplifting music. When I feel my anxiety trying to take over, I try to focus on my breath, say a prayer, and turn my attention to something else. I try to get out of my head as soon as possible when I feel these sensations arising or else I could whined up laying in bed for hours if not the entire day.

I would love to share that I found the cure for my anxiety and panic attacks, but I have not. I still suffer from these heavy feelings and I could live with them for the rest of my life. But, I have found solutions to help me during moments of panic or anxiousness.

The reason I felt compelled to share my experience with anxiety and panic attacks is this is a common trend in our society. I want you to know you aren’t alone if you suffer from these sensations as well or if you know someone who suffers.

You can be living your best life and still struggle. You can be surrounded by amazing family and friends and still suffer. You did nothing wrong to have these feelings. Your anxiety does not define you. You are not your anxiety.

Please know you are never alone and it’s okay to ask for help – whether its anxiety, panic attack related or something completely different.

I mentioned I meet with a counselor to get certain things off my chest, and even though I still have anxious feelings and attacks, meeting with a non-judging third party provides me relief. I didn’t just go to one session and feel better, I see my counselor often. After every appointment we set up our next session and move forward – it is a working, evolving, expanding relationship – not a quick, one time fix.

If you have ways of coping with anxiety or panic attacks, I would love to hear from you. I do not believe there is a “one size fits all” fix and what works for me currently might not work in the future, so I am constantly changing and adapting. Feel free to comment, message, or talk to me in person about what works for you. I love connecting and hearing from all of you.

I will be sure to share more in other posts on what I have found to help me cope with anxiety and panic attacks, so stay tuned for more goodness to come in the future!

Thank you so much for reading my anxiety story.