What I Learned By Burying My Dad At 27 Years Young

Losing a loved one is earth shattering.

The sorrow and pain you experience is bone deep. As we approach Father's Day this year, my heart continues to be struck with grief. In 1993, I was born on Father's Day. This year, the same year I buried my father, my birthday once again shares Father's Day.

At twenty seven years young, I buried my father. He was sixty-one years young himself when he was called home.

Something my dad taught me is to share stories, often. Never leave anything unsaid. Laugh as much as possible and never stop being a kid at heart.

My heart is still going through the grieving process and my mind feels it necessary to share the life lessons I’ve learned thus far.

1. There is no timeline for grief

The saying “time heals all wounds” is one I am struggling to grasp. Not all wounds heal, they leave scars and can re-open at the slightest memory. Scars left on your heart may remain open. Greif isn't something you "get over" or "get through". You live with it day in and day out. It's something you carry with you - in your heart, in your head, in your being, and in your soul.

2. Without love, there would be no pain.

We experience a deep sense of pain due to the level of love we had for the person we lost. If your love was deep, your sorrow will be deeper.

3. Feelings are meant to be felt.

Our feelings tell our life story. They remind us of our past, our present, and our future. Feelings aren’t meant to be stuffed, overlooked, or swallowed. Feelings are meant to be experienced and felt - fully and deeply.

4. Waves of emotion will wash over you.

Feelings and sorrow will come and go in waves. Some waves will feel fifty-feet tall, drowning you, making it feel impossible to breathe or even float. Other waves will feel light, something you can paddle through while keeping your head above the water. Waves are endless, they will rise and recede as time goes on.

5. Everyone grieves differently

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some will busy themselves, some will curl into a ball and stay there. Some will tough it out, some will cry at any thought that arises.

Honor your grieving process and the process of those around you.

6. You are not alone.

Pain and sorrow can be isolating. Stuck in our mind and thoughts can be a dark place.

We are never alone in our struggles and pain.

Reach out for help if the burden feels too heavy.

Speak to a professional to help sift through your feelings. The dark can be encompassing, but others can guide you closer to the light.

Asking for help is a sign of strength. I still struggle daily to grasp the idea that my dad is no longer physically here on Earth. I think of memories we could have shared together and the people left behind to live here without him. I look at my son and become overcome with sadness knowing he won't grow up with one of his grandfathers. My hope is to hold onto all of the beautiful memories I did get with my dad. My hope is to honor him as we travel through life. My hope is to create and share memories and stories because that is something my dad did well. My hope is to live a full life, even after loss.